i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
