I love having hate sex.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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