My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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