My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
