He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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