I wish I could teleport
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
