I'm jealous of your bromance
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
