Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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(301): View more from Maryland

Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

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(619): View more from California

When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..

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(630): View more from Illinois

Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee

(1-828): View more from North Carolina

You were drinking Everclear weren't you?

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(313): View more from Michigan

The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch

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