Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
