A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
