I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
