In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
