She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
