I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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