btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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