ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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