Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
