even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
