I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
