went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
