youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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