This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She's the barista slut.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
