I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
