I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
