why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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