i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
