so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
