Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
