My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
