all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
