Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
