just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
