So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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