It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
