My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
