Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
