I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
