i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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