ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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