She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
