remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
