I'm sorry my penis didn't work
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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