Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
