i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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