Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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