what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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