I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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