We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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