bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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