That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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