I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
