It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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