getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
