Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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