dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
