I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
