How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She needs sedatives and a leash
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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