Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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