so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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