i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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