Nicole vs. Life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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